I stood there holding the letter in my hand, and the bottom fell out of my stomach.
“I’m being audited,” I said out loud, even though no one was in the room.
Now, here’s the thing: I do my best to comply with regulations and requirements. I own a business, and there are lots of forms and reports and filings and deposits to be made—monthly, quarterly, and annually. In fact, there have been times when I considered going to work for someone else just because of how much focus and energy is required to maintain the record-keeping for running my own!
That letter triggered all kinds of latent fears. What if I did something wrong? What if I forgot to report something? What will happen if …? What if …? What if …?
It was like I was programmed for the other shoe to drop and for something bad to happen.
The audit request was intense. I had to provide original founding documents (from 2005) and extensive records, including every canceled check, my checkbook register, bank statements, profit and loss, all tax forms and filings, minutes—I mean, you name it, they asked for it! And I had just five days to submit it all.
Fortunately, I keep decent records, and I was able to send in everything required. Then I had to wait.
… and wait.
It was an open loop in the back of my head. There was no way to check on the progress or learn anything about the process. I just had to submit everything and release it.
Some moments I was absolutely fine, and at other moments, I experienced mild anxiety. Once or twice, I had a total freakout (I admit). Again and again, I had to hand it to God and release it to His care.
I am happy to report that I received another letter today that the audit revealed “No errors requiring adjustments to your account.”
I did a little victory dance! It was such a good feeling. I felt oddly validated. I had survived intense scrutiny and came out on the other side with my integrity and dignity intact.
Now, this is NOTHING like what it will be when I stand before the throne. But the sigh of relief, the flood of satisfaction and joy I felt hearing “no errors” is just a FRACTION of what it will be like to hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”
And the amazing thing about that future “audit” is that my Auditor is also my Advocate and my life Accountant. He reviews the books and blots out the errors every single time I open them up for Him to see.
I can’t say I would like another audit. I can say that since I got that first letter, I have grown more meticulous in my record keeping and have done some reviews of policies and procedures. That’s what accountability does. It makes you better.
So today, I ask you, “What areas of your life could use an audit? Where do you need accountability?” It is so amazing that we can approach Jesus and invite Him to look through our life without fear of condemnation.
You can invite His audit without fear. He will adjust you with love, reconcile the “books,” and present to the Father with “no errors” to report. His goal is never to punish but to make you whole.